Weighing the Risk

[DoS Archive]

From: zenithi@aol.com (Zenith I)
Date: 11 Jul 2000 03:18:56 EDT

He looked around his room, then back in the mirror, as he sat on his bed.

Pondering, as he often did.

This time, though, he was thinking about himself. Something recent conversations had stirred within him.

This is an empty house.

Besides him its only residents were butlers, maids, and security guards. I should at least invite someone over for a visit now and then... but who?

This was the question that really got him started. And feeling a little angry.

Friendships are too volatile. Many of my friends flip-flop their opinions about me almost daily. Who wants friends like that?

I can count the ones who have stuck by me all the way on one hand... and still have enough fingers left to grip a sword.

He sat up again and chuckled bitterly to himself. He wasn't sad; he had learned long ago that being sad served little purpose. It was his anger taking charge now, with a touch of cynicism and a dash of bitterness.

I could always try branching out. Making new friends... striking up a relationship, maybe.

He started laughing at that last one. He was alone, to be sure, but not lonely. He found this life preferable to the one he'd had. The risks outweigh the gain. I've proven that four times over in a matter of months.

It's not worth it. Nobody will have that kind of power over my feelings again. I can handle being alone because I don't need the love of others to love myself.

He fell back on his bed and soon went to sleep, secure in his decision. Never sad, no longer angry, but oddly calm and assured for having made such a strange, icy choice.