Ponderings of an odd sort. . .

[DoS Archive]

From: pslyderfta@aol.com (Pslyder FTA)
Date: 14 Oct 2003 11:42:58 EDT

He felt like an ass.
 
He felt completely out of control.
 
He couldn't understand exactly what was going on around him anymore. . .
 
He couldn't even remember getting to the top of the mountain he was now perched on, overlooking the whole of Rhy'din.  He'd gone riding to clear his head, and somehow wound up here.  Several conflicting emotions were threatening to tear him to pieces.  He'd never known anything like this . . . this fierce attachment to protecting. . .this overpowering urge to make things right. . .to trample his enemies into the dust. . .he'd never had personal enemies before.  His enemies were always huge faceless megacorporations, large ubiqitous gangs, "the Man". . .  He stared at the Opal in his hand, wondering if it had anything at all to do with the turmoil in his mind, in his soul.  It had certainly changed him, he thought. . .but how much and for what purpose?  Sure, it was handy to have around, but in the end, was it worth it?  Was it worth the pain?  The confusion?  For the life of him, he didn't know. . .he hadn't slept in two days now. . .between the burning hatred of the Egyptian and the Cat-Demon, and the other burning feelings, he'd been running the whole time on little more than determination.  A small part of him was lecturing him on how utterly foolish that was to do, but the rest of him just wouldn't listen anymore.  He idly rubbed the stubble on his face. . .he hadn't let stubble grow there in years.  He put the Opal away and pulled out something else, studying it intently. . .it was a collar.  A leather one, with silver adornments.  It was PJ's, the one that Jake had given to her.  The one he'd very carefully hidden a tracker pin on.  The one he'd found last night in his searchings for PJ.  He made a promise to her then, even though she couldn't hear him.  She would have this back, and nothing would get in the way of him gettng it to her and getting her back safely.  Then he thought of Chaz.  Or, more accurately, he brought the constant thoughts of Chaz to the forefront of his mind.  Now there was a pretty little dilemma. . .how could he ever let her near him, when he knew he wasn't in control of the intensity of his own feelings?  For the first time in a very long while, he admitted to himself he needed guidance.  But that was the only thing he didn't know how to obtain.  Once again, he looked out over the city, his eyes sweeping in an all-encompassing gaze, the cyber-enhancements zooming in on the various denizens.  Not once, did he look toward his own home.  And as the sun rose slowly behind him, he knew that whatever the outcome, he'd never be the same again. . .

[DoS Archive]

From: pslyderfta@aol.com (Pslyder FTA)
Date: 15 Oct 2003 12:01:00 EDT

He was down to chasing shadows at this point. . .

Four days. . .he'd been scouring Rhy'din for four days. . .

The last food he remembered was. . .pancakes? Coffee? Something like that. . .

The bike had long ago run out of gas. He'd left it just inside the door of his Garage, the only time he'd been home since Sunday.

He didn't even notice the beeping of the machine.

Obsessed?

You be the judge.

The only thing he could think of at this point was finding something, anything about PJ's whereabouts.

There wasn't a single square inch of the city he hadn't combed over, bugged, analyzed, scanned, or scoured at this point. He'd even gone so far as to tap into the cameras in both the Outback and the GIT. Still nothing.

He'd wound up at the gym, perched up in the rafters like a vulture, fighting off unconsciousness with every fiber of his being, trying desperately to organize his disjointed thoughts into something resembling cohesive reasoning. He'd barely spoken a word to anyone that wasn't a question about PJ since he'd gone off in the target range of the Armory.

He was just about out of options at this point . . .