Piffle Prophecy

[DoS Archive]

From: jokerdos@aol.com (Joker DoS)
Date: 21 Mar 1998 15:03:43 EST

:::::jumps onto his tripod stilts and orates down to the masses with a loud, stentorian voice:::::

For the Lord is quoteth that thou art worthless heathen, and thou shalt beg every day to be thought worthy, so brother can you spare a dime?

And the land quaked, and children wept, and strong men lifted heavy objects and complained of hernias. And much was written, and the most intelligent of scripture was thrown out as Piffle, and the least intelligent hailed and prodded with grapes until it grew too fat to be kept in books and was passed around mouth to mouth and called Gospel (except by those who had waited a bit until the grapes had turned before eating them, who just made obscene
gestures in the general direction).

And the Lord looked down and shook his head, but Satan thought the place was rockin'. "Alas!" cried Diogenes, and traded his his lamp for a pair of Wayfarers and a t-shirt which read "Lie to me, baby".

:::::spins about on one stilt:::::

And the lamb made to lie down with the lion, and was eaten, duh. Throughout the land there was much praising of oneself, and great deeds were done and written of in extremely bad prose, huzzah!

And prophets foretold of a day when men would grow great and proud and produce much garbage, when giant machines like birds rose towards the heavens but most remained indoors and played on small boxes and talked to one another incessantly about naval lint. And Satan though life was pretty damn boring, except for all the fornicating which almost was.

But, you know, who the heck listens to prophets anyway? Gimme a beer.

::::hops off his stilts and heads in a straight line to the Tavern, bonking into a wall and knocking himself senseless::::

[DoS Archive]

From: zachrywulf@aol.com (ZachryWulf)
Date: 22 Mar 1998 11:48:19 EST

::Hearing a loud stentorian voice proclaiming a sadly realistic point of view to some extent, Zach runs out the door of the Tavern to get a glimpse of the orator and trips over his prone and senseless form lying next to the doorway of the Tavern.::


Zachary Wûlfgar
§ Wolfen §

[DoS Archive]

From: zachrywulf@aol.com (ZachryWulf)
Date: 22 Mar 1998 13:45:38 EST

:: Picking himself up from the ground he looks at the soundless form lying before him.::

I now realize that I am and have always been but a lone voice crying out in the bewilderness. I am unfit to latch the footlatches on the tripod stilts of one such as you.

::He stifles a sardonic laugh::

Well enough of this pseudo intellectualsim. I have to go find Khrys!




Zachary Wûlfgar
§ Wolfen §

[DoS Archive]

From: bserius2@aol.com (Bserius2)
Date: 23 Mar 1998 19:33:30 EST

::Noting the mnemonic silence he strides forth onto the six pillared podium of profuse jabbering.::

I stand before you now to speak of things that are of great import! Oh ye of little brains heed my harshness and yet appreciate the gentleness with which I deliver it. Verify unto yourself when I have gone from your sight the very honesty of my words and hold them dear to your heart for they are really real.

::The multitudes were wont to touch themselves and feel the reality of their feelings. There was much muttering about.::

You must all ask yourselves if in the darkness there is no light. You must all ask yourselves if in the light there is no dark. These and many questions you must ask yourselves because you are. Some say that through the statement “I think! therefore I am!” existentialism is proven. We all must ask ourselves “And what of those that obviously don’t think?” do they exist any less than the rest of us. Would they say unto those of us who do think “I don’t
think! Therefore I am not!”? Of course they wouldn’t in order to say thatthey would be required to think.

::He steps off of the podium to lay hands on one who is struggling with his words of wisdom.::

I shall heal thee whether thou likest it or not.

:: Having choked the heckler he returns to the podium.::

The multitudes fell to their knees and in unison chanted “We see the wisdom and power of your ways you have stopped the aging process and at the same time cleared the gene pool of algae. Thou art like chlorine to the gene pool. Thou art like the fountain of youth. Thou art two fold!”

::The multitudes stood up adjusted their clothing, for wedgies abounded in that time. Then they all exchanged wizened glances.::

::The great one raised his eyebrows cleared his throat to speak and then didn’t.::

::Then he began to speak.::

I pass on my knowledge to all of you so that you can see the knowledge that is within the great things that I know. We all must learn to know things so that we will know the things that we know with a fervor. This will allow all of you to state “I am” and know it, or not state that and wonder.. “Am I?”. See the paradox in the reversal of simple words? What of god and dog? What do we say on matters of import such as this? What about Bob? What happens
when we reverse Bob? Note that there is no change! Bob isn’t turned into anything else. Bob remains unchanged. Does that quality make Bob more powerful than the previously aforementioned two words that we discussed a moment ago? I now leave you with these weighty matters to ponder and ponder them I am sure you will.

::He quietly removes himself from the two strange devices left by the previous orator and skips away. As he starts to round the corner he looks back at the masses and yells.::

Have a nice day! I really mean that.