Beneath the Surface Lies (Lilly)

[DoF Archive]

Date: 7/31/2000 11:28 PM Central Daylight Time
From: Lilly Hyde



Beneath the Surface Lies


Page 43

Sometimes I find myself, mostly late at night, wondering about certain situations. Things that couldn't occur, but I kind of linger on the "what if" of the matter. Like what would I say to my mother if I saw her again. I've done that scenario a thousand times, it never has a happy ending.

One of my problems, and I admit to several, is that I'm not good with free time. My psychologist says it has to do with my creativity, something about I have too much of it. Funny as it may sound, you have to have a sizable amount of creativity to be as good at my job as I am. That's not a boast, you can look that up in my file, it'll tell you that I'm efficient ... that's government speak for damn good.

Biggest problem I run into is during down time. My government learned the hard way to allow its best operatives to seek out little side jobs when it didn't have an assignment waiting ... it cut down on "incidents". Best not to go into that just now, its a long story and one in and of itself.

So when I'm technically "off", I dig around and there's usually at least one opportunity that's low profile and seems like a time killer. That's a pun there, probably not readily apparent for those that don't know me well, but if you did know me, it'd probably crack you up to tears.

Anyway, I usually find some odd job to do, in some distant locale so that if things go wrong it doesn't get back to my superiors. Sometimes I luck out and it keeps me occupied until I get recalled for a government job, other times I'm left with enough of a time made rope with which to hang myself.

Now is one of those times. No word yet from the home base ... nothing good anyway. There's something brewing, a big something, but so far no details from my recalcitrant Raven. He's a good guy, but sometimes his nature tends to dig under my skin. It's one of the reasons I've taken to spending my nights wasting time and energy at the blood sports in this town.

So what's the biggest problem again? Its a scenario that I've played a thousand times, both on my own -- in my mind -- and with actual strangers. Problem with my profession is that few people want to carry on a conversation with what amounts to an assassin.

Sure, it's a legit government career, but most people just can't absorb that emotionally. I can see the, "I wonder how she'd try to kill me" written in the side long gaze they always wind up giving me. And in case you're wondering, it's never how you believe I would. I don't do brute strength ... the best of us never do. Rest assured, that if I was going to off you, you'd be a corpse before you figured out the how of it.

What defines a person? To most its their family and their, you guessed it, profession. So what do you say to someone that won't have them turn white as a sheet, or worse -- and you have no idea how much worse it is -- laugh. I have an excellent sense of humor, but ... as my profile would tell you, I don't like being the butt of a joke. It wouldn't be anything personal when I killed you, it would just be my way of backing up my words with actions.

Shame of the matter is, I'm a social creature. I know, its an unusual trait for someone that murders for pay without asking questions. But there you have it, my biggest life dilemma, what the hell do you say to a person that wants to get to know you a little better?

Most people in my situation would lie. What's a little lie between friends? I despise that. See, I kind of segment career and social functions-- i.e., targets from friends -- by whether or not I'm willing to lie to them. After all, what does it matter if I tell a cartload of fibs to a tag if they're essentially a walking corpse?

The real problem comes in when I meet some guy that kind of strikes a chord in me. Not a "I wonder how he'd look in the early mornings light" chord, more like a "I could sit in silence and be content" kind of chord.

Silence is important to me, it shows the mettle of a mans soul, I think ... to be able to sit in silence and not fidget. Not that I don't enjoy a good conversation, I'm a trivia buff. I'd damn near do anything for a really rare bit of information.

((Authors Note: Please note that there is no real good way for a character to know this information about Lilly IC. I'm posting this because I like to torment people with my writing, so nyah.))