Date: 5/1/2002 11:05 PM Central Daylight Time
From: ChrisGraziano45
Me and Jakey are going at 2 (est) on Saturday afternoon. Be there.
cg
BeerCooler
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Re: BeerCooler - Commercial Break
Date: 5/2/2002 2:36 AM Central Daylight Time
From: JakeThrash
[begin commercial]
"Man, I am thirsty!" laments guy number one.
"So am I, what is there to drink around here?" agrees guy number two.
"There's some beer over there on the table, but it's pretty warm."
"Geez, what I wouldn't do for a cold one." Guy two makes a heavy sigh and starts to reach for a can of warm brew.
"STOP!" Came a heroic voice from behind them. "DON'T drink that warm brew! What YOU need is a frosty cold one!"
Guys one and two turn to see a large half-orc standing haloed in sunlight at the door.
"Who are you?" asks guy one.
"And where did you come from?" asks guy two.
"When you need a cold drink to quench a mighty thirst, what you need is a brew from Red Orc Brewery." The orc steps boldly into the room and reaches into a plastic container he carries under one arm. From the cooler, the orc pulls two cans of ale which he hands to each guy in turn.
As the guys open their ice cold ales, the mighty orc advises them, "Nothing is better for a mighty thirst than Bane's Brew™ kept ICE cold in a genuine BeerCooler™ brand cooler!"
"Wow! This ale is ice cold! That's amazing!" says guy one in amazement.
"I know! This hits the spot after a hard day's work!" concurs guy two.
"How does it stay so cold?"
"BeerCooler™ uses patented secret technology to keep your ale cold even when other coolers have long since allowed your beer to get warm!"
"Wow, that's amazing!"
"And to go along with those frosty cold brew, don't forget to munch on PretzelBoy™ brand pretzels! The only pretzels endorsed by the Professional Bruisers Club of Badside for brawlers and thugs of all kinds!"
Relieved thirsty guys enjoy their cold ales.
"Make sure to get your BeerCooler™ brand cooler today!" the orc declared as he stepped back into the door and is once again haloed in light before exiting.
"Who was that masked orc?" says guy one, before kicking back another slug of cold ale.
"What mask? He wasn't wearing a mask."
"Who cares, all I know is he's got COOOLD ale. That's all that matters."
"Amen to that!" concurs guy two as he gulps down a few swallows of his ale.
And together they kicked back to guzzle down their frosty cold Bane's Brew™ and watch the latest duels taking place in the Outback on RhyDin TV.
[end commercial]
[lights come up]
"And tell me again why I don't wanna chop ya' up into tiny pieces and feed ya' to the wild dogs wanderin' the streets?" The orc could feel his head starting to hurt. The urge to inflict pain on something, or someone, was strong in him.
"The viewers will love it! Trust us! We've polled consumer groups and gotten favorable reactions from almost all of them!" says marketing guy one.
"Yeah! And our R&D team is all ready to turn on the production line! We can start our media blitz right away and begin shipping the coolers within a week!" says marketing guy two.
The half-orc closed his eyes and imagined himself repeatedly smashing the marketing guys into the walls of the Pit. As he daydreamed, a smile began to form on his lips.
From: JakeThrash
[begin commercial]
"Man, I am thirsty!" laments guy number one.
"So am I, what is there to drink around here?" agrees guy number two.
"There's some beer over there on the table, but it's pretty warm."
"Geez, what I wouldn't do for a cold one." Guy two makes a heavy sigh and starts to reach for a can of warm brew.
"STOP!" Came a heroic voice from behind them. "DON'T drink that warm brew! What YOU need is a frosty cold one!"
Guys one and two turn to see a large half-orc standing haloed in sunlight at the door.
"Who are you?" asks guy one.
"And where did you come from?" asks guy two.
"When you need a cold drink to quench a mighty thirst, what you need is a brew from Red Orc Brewery." The orc steps boldly into the room and reaches into a plastic container he carries under one arm. From the cooler, the orc pulls two cans of ale which he hands to each guy in turn.
As the guys open their ice cold ales, the mighty orc advises them, "Nothing is better for a mighty thirst than Bane's Brew™ kept ICE cold in a genuine BeerCooler™ brand cooler!"
"Wow! This ale is ice cold! That's amazing!" says guy one in amazement.
"I know! This hits the spot after a hard day's work!" concurs guy two.
"How does it stay so cold?"
"BeerCooler™ uses patented secret technology to keep your ale cold even when other coolers have long since allowed your beer to get warm!"
"Wow, that's amazing!"
"And to go along with those frosty cold brew, don't forget to munch on PretzelBoy™ brand pretzels! The only pretzels endorsed by the Professional Bruisers Club of Badside for brawlers and thugs of all kinds!"
Relieved thirsty guys enjoy their cold ales.
"Make sure to get your BeerCooler™ brand cooler today!" the orc declared as he stepped back into the door and is once again haloed in light before exiting.
"Who was that masked orc?" says guy one, before kicking back another slug of cold ale.
"What mask? He wasn't wearing a mask."
"Who cares, all I know is he's got COOOLD ale. That's all that matters."
"Amen to that!" concurs guy two as he gulps down a few swallows of his ale.
And together they kicked back to guzzle down their frosty cold Bane's Brew™ and watch the latest duels taking place in the Outback on RhyDin TV.
[end commercial]
[lights come up]
"And tell me again why I don't wanna chop ya' up into tiny pieces and feed ya' to the wild dogs wanderin' the streets?" The orc could feel his head starting to hurt. The urge to inflict pain on something, or someone, was strong in him.
"The viewers will love it! Trust us! We've polled consumer groups and gotten favorable reactions from almost all of them!" says marketing guy one.
"Yeah! And our R&D team is all ready to turn on the production line! We can start our media blitz right away and begin shipping the coolers within a week!" says marketing guy two.
The half-orc closed his eyes and imagined himself repeatedly smashing the marketing guys into the walls of the Pit. As he daydreamed, a smile began to form on his lips.
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Re: BeerCooler - Commercial Break
Date: 5/2/2002 2:39 AM Central Daylight Time
From: JakeThrash
That's right, Chrissy and me are gonna brawl for the right to keep BeerCooler. For those not still hungover or asleep, we'll be fightin' at 2 and everyone is invited provided they buy lots of ale from the bar.
Pretzels will be plenty and free.
Jake
From: JakeThrash
That's right, Chrissy and me are gonna brawl for the right to keep BeerCooler. For those not still hungover or asleep, we'll be fightin' at 2 and everyone is invited provided they buy lots of ale from the bar.
Pretzels will be plenty and free.
Jake
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Re: BeerCooler - Commercial Break
Date: 5/5/2002 11:35 PM Central Daylight Time
From: ChrisGraziano31
Chris slowly opened the front door, peering in to each side, then down the hall. No sign of Ria. He breathed a sigh of relief before making his way further in. Slowly he tiptoed down the hall, closing in on the bedroom. He poked his head in there as well. There she was, sound asleep. Chris lucked out. He closed the door quietly behind him, before making his way back to the front door as softly as possible. He stepped outside for a second, lifting a case of Bud under each of his arms. He went back inside, and despite all his sneaking around, he forgot what he was doing and gave the door a hard kick to send it slamming shut.
Chris winced.. and waited. He waited for a minute, absolutely still. Nothing. She didn't wake up. Back to the mission.
He made his way back down the hall, past the bedroom, hooking wide to the left and into the bathroom. He put the cases down on the toilet before closing, and locking, the door behind him. It was time to get to work.
He closed off the drain to the bathtub, then pulled open one of the cases of beer. One by one, he opened each can, pouring its contents into the tub, until he had gone through both cases. He flicked the bathroom fan on, maybe it'd help with the smell.
Chris sat down on the edge of the tub and reached into his pocket. There it was, nice and shiny and blue, BeerCooler. He looked at the opal for a minute before dropping it into the tub full of beer. *plop*
Next, he pulled a straw out from his other pocket and bent down to take a sip, spitting it back in almost immediately. "Bleck, still warm."
He waited..
and waited some more..
The pattern of tasting, spitting, muttering, then waiting again repeated itself for a good two hours. Chris scratched the back of his head. Maybe he needed some magic words.
"Hocus pocus, make the beer cold." He added some cool hand waving as well. He tasted it again, swallowed, then sighed in disappointment.
"Collin - Rayburn - Nars - Trebek - Zabars - Kresge - Caldor - Walmart," Going with an incantation he heard on the Simpsons one night. Still nothing.
What followed next was a slew of bad words and profanity designed to scare the Opal into submission. It, of course, didn't.
Chris pushed himself back to his feet, it was nearing four hours since he started his experiment. He had been defeated. He left the Opal in the tub of beer, making his way out of the bathroom.
"Maybe it needs a couple more hours," Chris muttered as he closed the door behind him, then he wrote out a quick note that read: Out of Order. The note was promptly placed on the bathroom door.
From: ChrisGraziano31
Chris slowly opened the front door, peering in to each side, then down the hall. No sign of Ria. He breathed a sigh of relief before making his way further in. Slowly he tiptoed down the hall, closing in on the bedroom. He poked his head in there as well. There she was, sound asleep. Chris lucked out. He closed the door quietly behind him, before making his way back to the front door as softly as possible. He stepped outside for a second, lifting a case of Bud under each of his arms. He went back inside, and despite all his sneaking around, he forgot what he was doing and gave the door a hard kick to send it slamming shut.
Chris winced.. and waited. He waited for a minute, absolutely still. Nothing. She didn't wake up. Back to the mission.
He made his way back down the hall, past the bedroom, hooking wide to the left and into the bathroom. He put the cases down on the toilet before closing, and locking, the door behind him. It was time to get to work.
He closed off the drain to the bathtub, then pulled open one of the cases of beer. One by one, he opened each can, pouring its contents into the tub, until he had gone through both cases. He flicked the bathroom fan on, maybe it'd help with the smell.
Chris sat down on the edge of the tub and reached into his pocket. There it was, nice and shiny and blue, BeerCooler. He looked at the opal for a minute before dropping it into the tub full of beer. *plop*
Next, he pulled a straw out from his other pocket and bent down to take a sip, spitting it back in almost immediately. "Bleck, still warm."
He waited..
and waited some more..
The pattern of tasting, spitting, muttering, then waiting again repeated itself for a good two hours. Chris scratched the back of his head. Maybe he needed some magic words.
"Hocus pocus, make the beer cold." He added some cool hand waving as well. He tasted it again, swallowed, then sighed in disappointment.
"Collin - Rayburn - Nars - Trebek - Zabars - Kresge - Caldor - Walmart," Going with an incantation he heard on the Simpsons one night. Still nothing.
What followed next was a slew of bad words and profanity designed to scare the Opal into submission. It, of course, didn't.
Chris pushed himself back to his feet, it was nearing four hours since he started his experiment. He had been defeated. He left the Opal in the tub of beer, making his way out of the bathroom.
"Maybe it needs a couple more hours," Chris muttered as he closed the door behind him, then he wrote out a quick note that read: Out of Order. The note was promptly placed on the bathroom door.