Date: 6/20/2003 12:12 PM Eastern Daylight Time
From: Razored Wrists
The GIT was spotless.... As well it should be. PJ had spent the entire night cleaning it in whirlwind fit of energy. There certainly wasn't anyway she'd get any sleep with everything going through her head as it was.
There was a time in her life when she was used to everything being all messed up, when she had even liked it that way. Walking on the very edge of life was all the thrill she'd ever needed. Running from the law after a break in was just the prescription for an adrenaline boost when things weren't as PJ wanted them to be. It was times like these that PJ really found herself longing for a missing that part of her life.
I am a one way motorway
I'm the one that drives away
then follows you back home
I am a street light shining
I'm a wild light blinding bright
burning off alone
Back then, there wasn't anyone around that would've cared what she did, nor would she care what was thought of her. Now, even if the former wasn't true, the latter was. She had always thought that no one should live their lives by anyone else's standards, but now she understood that sometimes ... just sometimes ... other people's standards were what kept a person on the right path. It could hurt when someone you cared about was disappointed in you.
it's times like these you learn to live again
it's times like these you give and give again
it's times like these you learn to love again
it's times like these time and time again
Now there was Cory, Tellius, Caedia, Tareth, Lisana, Pslyder, maybe a couple of the Grazianos... and even Karen, that chuch-y lady that seemed to actually be concerned. And then there was Max. PJ was certain, at the time, that breaking it off with Max was the right thing. If she'd screwed up like she thought she had, it certainly wasn't fair to him to make him stick around ... no matter how she felt. It wasn't as though she had ever actually told him how she felt. But....
Seeing Max with Lis had done a number on her. She really shouldn't have been surprised though. Max seemed to like those Public Displays of Affection that PJ herself was so embarrassed by ... and Lis obviously had no problem with them. That was what Max needed ... so why had she let it get to her so? Poor Cory had suffered for it too, PJ definitely owed Cor an apology or six.
I am a new day rising
I'm a brand new sky
to hang the stars upon tonight
I am a little divided
do I stay or run away
and leave it all behind?
PJ had some choices to make, and nothing to compare them against; no ruler of former experiences to judge by. So maybe she just ... wouldn't. It wasn't the white, Goth girl make up of old, but she could wear a mask just the same.
it's times like these you learn to live again
it's times like these you give and give again
it's times like these you learn to love again
it's times like these time and time again
Or ... not.
Paige Jenna Ramirez
(Lyrics: Foo Fighters - Times Like These)
Times Like These...
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Lost Cause
Date: 6/21/2003 6:53 PM Eastern Daylight Time
From: Razored Wrists
PJ's temporary "booboo bandage" hadn't done a thing but get her spun out. Once she had come down, she was more miserable than she had been to start. She really didn't want to go down that road again. Kicking that habit the first time had nearly gotten her killed, and she really wasn't ready to face death so soon.
PJ crawled out of bed and sleepily stumbled to the shower. As the scalding hot water washed away the grimy feeling walking in RhyDin could give a person, PJ thought back over the months since she'd taken the job at the GIT. So many changes ... and she couldn't deny that most of them were for the better, even when the lessons learned had been painful. She had opened herself up to so many new things ... so why was this one thing giving her such trouble?
She stepped out of the shower and flicked the radio on. The steamy mirrors allowed her to see only the vaguest outline of her face, a ghost in the mirror. The song in the background seemed to lift in volume of its own accord, catching PJ's attention.
Your sorry eyes cut through the bone
They make it hard to leave you alone
Leave you here wearing your wounds
Waving your guns at somebody new
Baby you're lost
Baby you're lost
Baby you're a lost cause
There's too many people you used to know
They see you coming they see you go
They know your secrets and you know theirs
This town is crazy; nobody cares
Baby you're lost
Baby you're lost
Baby you're a lost cause
I'm tired of fighting
I'm tired of fighting
Fighting for a lost cause
There's a place where you are going
You ain't never been before
No one left to watch your back now
No one standing at your door
That's what you thought love was for
Baby you're lost
Baby you're lost
Baby you're a lost cause
I'm tired of fighting
I'm tired of fighting
Fighting for a lost cause
It might as well have been Max singing right to PJ for as hard as it hit. Sometime during the course of the song, she had swiped a towel across the mirror, and the person staring back at her wasn't the person she expected to see at all. PJ looked at the sorry figment with disgust and spoke with her.
"You are a lost cause ... "
The reflection smirked at PJ knowingly, answering back...
"Yer just figuring that out now, huh? Took ya long enough. Shame there aint a thing ya can do about it. Ya can take the girl outta trash, but you can't take the trash outta the girl, can ya?"
"Maybe not ... but... Maybe so, too." PJ answered back and turned her back on her twin, having had enough of the lost cause for one day.
~^~
Paige Jenna Ramirez
~v~
(Lyrics: Beck - Lost Cause)
From: Razored Wrists
PJ's temporary "booboo bandage" hadn't done a thing but get her spun out. Once she had come down, she was more miserable than she had been to start. She really didn't want to go down that road again. Kicking that habit the first time had nearly gotten her killed, and she really wasn't ready to face death so soon.
PJ crawled out of bed and sleepily stumbled to the shower. As the scalding hot water washed away the grimy feeling walking in RhyDin could give a person, PJ thought back over the months since she'd taken the job at the GIT. So many changes ... and she couldn't deny that most of them were for the better, even when the lessons learned had been painful. She had opened herself up to so many new things ... so why was this one thing giving her such trouble?
She stepped out of the shower and flicked the radio on. The steamy mirrors allowed her to see only the vaguest outline of her face, a ghost in the mirror. The song in the background seemed to lift in volume of its own accord, catching PJ's attention.
Your sorry eyes cut through the bone
They make it hard to leave you alone
Leave you here wearing your wounds
Waving your guns at somebody new
Baby you're lost
Baby you're lost
Baby you're a lost cause
There's too many people you used to know
They see you coming they see you go
They know your secrets and you know theirs
This town is crazy; nobody cares
Baby you're lost
Baby you're lost
Baby you're a lost cause
I'm tired of fighting
I'm tired of fighting
Fighting for a lost cause
There's a place where you are going
You ain't never been before
No one left to watch your back now
No one standing at your door
That's what you thought love was for
Baby you're lost
Baby you're lost
Baby you're a lost cause
I'm tired of fighting
I'm tired of fighting
Fighting for a lost cause
It might as well have been Max singing right to PJ for as hard as it hit. Sometime during the course of the song, she had swiped a towel across the mirror, and the person staring back at her wasn't the person she expected to see at all. PJ looked at the sorry figment with disgust and spoke with her.
"You are a lost cause ... "
The reflection smirked at PJ knowingly, answering back...
"Yer just figuring that out now, huh? Took ya long enough. Shame there aint a thing ya can do about it. Ya can take the girl outta trash, but you can't take the trash outta the girl, can ya?"
"Maybe not ... but... Maybe so, too." PJ answered back and turned her back on her twin, having had enough of the lost cause for one day.
~^~
Paige Jenna Ramirez
~v~
(Lyrics: Beck - Lost Cause)