::pushing the play button on Baz Lurhmann::

[DoS Archive]

From: tareththrn@aol.com (TarethThrn)
Date: 08 Dec 2002 14:03:34 EST

Ladies and Gentlemen of the Winter Warlord Tournament of 2002,

Wear armor.

If I could offer you only one tip for this tournament, armor would be it.

The long-term benefits of armor have been proven in battle, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice.... now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your chix0rz. Well nevermind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your women until they are gone. But trust me, in 20 years, you 'll back at photos of those hot babes and recall in a way you can't grasp now, how much possibility lay before you, and how fabulous they really looked. She is not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the title. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to explain to BRK that swords are better than fists. The real trouble with winning the tourny is that you never know who you're going to face, the matchups will blindside you unexpectedly like a Mack truck on some idle Tuesday. Fight one person every week that scares you.

Slash.

Don't be reckless with other people's weapons. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Dis.

Don't waste your time with posturing. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long. But in the end, there can be only one.

Remember compliments you recieve. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old trophies. Throw away your old betting forms.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you'd do with the Overlord mantle. The most interesting Overlords I know didn't know what they wanted to do with the title when they won it, the current Overlord still doesn't have a clue what he's doing.

Get plenty of alcohol.

Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they get cut down.

Maybe you'll have good luck, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll go 0-2, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll go 40 rounds and lose, Maybe you'll dance a victory jiggle in the ring after 75 victories. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid to dive for that point, or what others may think when your kilt flaps up in the wind. It's the greatest weapon you'll ever use.

Dance. Even if you have nowhere to do it but the middle of the ring.

Read the Insider, even if you don't duel in TDL.

Do not read Tao's articles or my roundups, they only make me look brutal.

Get to know your callers. You never know when they'll be up for a bribe.

Be nice to other duelists. They're your best link to the Arena and the people most likely to stick you in the future.

Understand that wins come and go, but with a precious few, you should gloat. Work hard to bridge the gaps in records and standings, because the older you get, the more you need the bragging rights you had when you were young.

Live in Rhydin once, but leave before it makes you pregnant. Live in New Caithness once, but leave before Ian can collect too many taxes from you.

High Cut.

Accept certain inalienable truths. G's head is huge, Elle will sleep with anyone, and you too will lose. And when you do, you'll fantasize that while you were still in it, the callers were biased, Elle would sleep with you, and new duelists respected the old-schoolers.

Respect your new duelists.

Don't expect anyone else to win. Maybe they have a good record, maybe they've won it before. But you never know when luck will be a whore.

Don't mess too much with the serving lads, or by this time next year, you'll have to fetch your own damn drink.

Be careful who's ward you trust. But, be patient with those who supply it. The ward is a tool of violence and healing, using it is like sticking your hand into a garbage disposal. You never know who will come along and flip the power switch or when.

So trust me on the armor.


----------=Thorn=----------