From: alphonsedispada@aol.com (AlphonseDiSpada)
Date: 13 Dec 1999 01:07:57 EST
Baaa....bah, baaah baAaAAh. Baaaah bahh baaaaaAh. "Capisce?" Baahh. Bah.
Translation:
Once upon a time, in the picturesque town of Hydin, Sicilia, all the people knew a benevolent and quite charismatic man named Don Shepardo Pecore. His voice was a little raspy, and his sheepian a little hard to understand, but hey, he was a human. Life was wonderful and the grass was truly greener.
And then into a perfectly peaceful town that tart arrived, one Bo Peep by name. Oh, she had a fine looking shepherds' hook, but trailing behind her were a bunch of punk lambs.
Now, Don Shepardo was a kind man, as I stated before, but he couldn't allow anyone to inch in on his grazing area and so he sent me in as a spy. Me? One Alphonse by name, Alphonse di Spada, and with a name like that it's no wonder I had no options but a button sheep career in my future.
Some might say that I joined Peep's family voluntarily, that I disappointed Don Shepardo and the entire Pecore family... and if you find out who is saying it you point them out to me so that I can reeducate them, Capisce?
Anyway, as they say, I came, I saw, I conquered, in more ways than one if you catch my meaning. It didn't take long to undermine Peeps' operations and after a month she had to high tail it out of there in search of her "missing sheep".
No one will ever find those sheep, let me tell you- if you catch my meaning.
We all hoped those days would never end, but the circumstances changed overnight and we were packed onto a ship and on our way to a new land, a new Hydin, one Rhydin by name.
This is my life and my story of the Pecore family.
((Author's disclaimer: Any similarities between a real person and a character in the story are completely unintentional. If your name is Bo Peep, the coincidence is purely astronomical and I surely do not think all people named Bo Peep are tarts. This is a relatively closed storyline, but keys are available upon request and donation. Thank you.))
Memoirs of a Fleecer
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From: alphonsedispada@aol.com (AlphonseDiSpada)
Date: 21 Dec 1999 17:43:40 EST
"Come on in, Alphonse, we have been waiting for you to start the game.", Giovanni called from the smoked filled game room. Grazing around the table were the best of the best in this town, known on the streets as the "Filthy Five"; Giovanni the Game, Vincenzo the Blanc, Antonio the Mug, Michangelo DiCarina and then Alphonse.
The place screamed of wealth, there wasn't another place in all of Hydin that could say they had live grass rugs laid down for guests. By the thick fog of smoke Alphonse guessed they had been waiting at least twenty minutes for him to arrive. Now that he was here, they spared no time in dealing the cards.
"What are the stakes boys?", Micky asked as he hoofed his cards into an order.
"Why don't you choose for us cutie.", Antonio gruffed out with a sheepish laugh.
"Look, if I haven't told you once, I haven't told you a million times, porkchop, the name is DiCarina, not carina, capisce?", Micky growled, the fleece on the back of his neck rising in anger.
"Settle your fleece, boys, we're hear for some down time,"Giovanni cut in before a sheep fight could break out. "Anyone heard the rumor that il Gatto is back in town?".
Alphonse discarded two and as he waited for the replacements spoke, "Yeah, I heard that Little Boy Blue hired that loser. They call him double o nine now, apparently he used up his other eight lives."
"I heard the last happened when he tried to wear some cement kitty boots in the river after he botched that deal for Miss Muffet.", Micky piped in.
"Do you have a problem with Miss M? Cause if you do we can go settle this now, cutie.", Vincenzo said in a deadly tone.
"No... no, come on, no need to go there, Vincenzo.", Micky said just before he whispered beneath his breath, "Not like I sent her a spider or anything."
"What?! What did you say? I'll make sure no one ever calls you carina again, by the time I'm done with you, your name will be DiBrutto.", Vince yelled as he stomped his hooves.
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This next scene has been rated SG-2 (Shephards' Guidance for any lambs under 2 years of age.) and so has been omitted as this is our L (Lamb) rated version.
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(Author's Note: To be continued.)
Date: 21 Dec 1999 17:43:40 EST
"Come on in, Alphonse, we have been waiting for you to start the game.", Giovanni called from the smoked filled game room. Grazing around the table were the best of the best in this town, known on the streets as the "Filthy Five"; Giovanni the Game, Vincenzo the Blanc, Antonio the Mug, Michangelo DiCarina and then Alphonse.
The place screamed of wealth, there wasn't another place in all of Hydin that could say they had live grass rugs laid down for guests. By the thick fog of smoke Alphonse guessed they had been waiting at least twenty minutes for him to arrive. Now that he was here, they spared no time in dealing the cards.
"What are the stakes boys?", Micky asked as he hoofed his cards into an order.
"Why don't you choose for us cutie.", Antonio gruffed out with a sheepish laugh.
"Look, if I haven't told you once, I haven't told you a million times, porkchop, the name is DiCarina, not carina, capisce?", Micky growled, the fleece on the back of his neck rising in anger.
"Settle your fleece, boys, we're hear for some down time,"Giovanni cut in before a sheep fight could break out. "Anyone heard the rumor that il Gatto is back in town?".
Alphonse discarded two and as he waited for the replacements spoke, "Yeah, I heard that Little Boy Blue hired that loser. They call him double o nine now, apparently he used up his other eight lives."
"I heard the last happened when he tried to wear some cement kitty boots in the river after he botched that deal for Miss Muffet.", Micky piped in.
"Do you have a problem with Miss M? Cause if you do we can go settle this now, cutie.", Vincenzo said in a deadly tone.
"No... no, come on, no need to go there, Vincenzo.", Micky said just before he whispered beneath his breath, "Not like I sent her a spider or anything."
"What?! What did you say? I'll make sure no one ever calls you carina again, by the time I'm done with you, your name will be DiBrutto.", Vince yelled as he stomped his hooves.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This next scene has been rated SG-2 (Shephards' Guidance for any lambs under 2 years of age.) and so has been omitted as this is our L (Lamb) rated version.
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(Author's Note: To be continued.)