From: grndmaduei@aol.com (GrndmaDueI)
Date: 06 Jun 1999 17:05:42 EDT
Summer was rolling around again; and boy was security at the Old Duelist's Home lacking. The day started out normal enough; they were going on a field trip. The ancient dueler folk had been on their best behavior lately; and the administrators of the Home felt they deserved a day outside the sterile walls. For a time they couldn't decide where to send the once-in-their-prime fighters; but eventually decided to let
them play Bingo in the park across town. Little did they know how things would turn out.
Granny was dozing in the back of the bus; her walker stowed behind in the empty seat. She had glasses now; her sight had left her rapidly as the last year dragged on. Suddenly, she got a bright idea! Well, the idea wasn't that bright, but it was the best she'd had in years. She blinked slowly; she couldn't do anything fast in her age; then leaned forward to whisper to Floreen Witherspoon, the woman muttering incoherently to herself. "Let's take
this baby for a ride," she said. "I know just the place to go."
Floreen turned around, glaring at Granny for disturbing her conversation. "Eh? What's that ya said? Hold on, let me turn up my hearing aid." She reached up; turning the thing down. After a moment's pause; Granny repeated herself .. only to have Floreen say the exact same thing again. Granny finally just hmphed and reached out to turn the darn thing up herself; accidentally smacking Floreen in the process. Her hands were shaky, you see. As
Granny withdrew, Floreen let out a low wail. "I want my Mommy!"
"Shhh, ya old bat," Granny hissed. "That's all we need is for the Don to come back here. Now listen." Don was in reference to the Home's nurses; it was the only way the crazy woman would know who Granny meant. Floreen adopted an attentive stare; but was she really paying much attention?
For the third time, Granny explained herself, scowling at Floreen's blank look. Suddenly Floreen's eyes widened, and she jumped up .. well, to her it was jumping but it was more actually a slow climb to her feet. "Let's go for a ride!" she exclaimed. As fast as she could; she made her way to the front of the bus and slipped into the driver's seat. You see, she used to be a bus driver when she wasn't beating on cute young men; in her prime days.
Like it was said; security sucked. The nurses and driver were out getting coffee .. who would think the old people would hijack the bus? But they did! The bus tore out of the store parking lot and weaved its way through all six lanes of the highway; leaving the flabbergasted staff in its dust.
The Field Trip
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From: oldfloreen@aol.com (OldFloreen)
Date: 07 Jun 1999 01:14:05 EDT
The bus sped through and out of town and found its way somehow in the City of Rhydin Proper. "Slow down, ya old bat, " cranked out Granny, "ya just ran over a dog." Of Course, Floreen responded with an "eh? What's that ya said?" and Granny harumphed again.
The bus came to an abrupt halt two towns away from the store. "I have to brush my teeth. I'm just gonna go back there to the bathroom and just get my desitin."
Floreen pushed herself up from the seat and moved toward the back of the bus, stopping halfway in the bus, while Granny rose up using her walker to settle into the seat right behind the driver's.
Floreen yelled out, "That's the way, hugo! Get em real good and don't let him do that again to ya and when ya finish the dishes, we can sit down and watch that movie in peace." Floreen was talking to the air, of course. What else could one expect out of her Alzheimer's condition? She carried on a five minute conversation with nobody and of course it took this much time for Granny to even get seated in her seat.
Floreen circled around to face the front of the bus snapping out to the lady with the yarn as she passed her up, "Shutup. Who asked ya? I didn't ask ya to put my shoes on." She cackled all the way back to the driver's seat, sat down, turned the keys in the ignition and revved up the engine a few times before she peeled out.
Date: 07 Jun 1999 01:14:05 EDT
The bus sped through and out of town and found its way somehow in the City of Rhydin Proper. "Slow down, ya old bat, " cranked out Granny, "ya just ran over a dog." Of Course, Floreen responded with an "eh? What's that ya said?" and Granny harumphed again.
The bus came to an abrupt halt two towns away from the store. "I have to brush my teeth. I'm just gonna go back there to the bathroom and just get my desitin."
Floreen pushed herself up from the seat and moved toward the back of the bus, stopping halfway in the bus, while Granny rose up using her walker to settle into the seat right behind the driver's.
Floreen yelled out, "That's the way, hugo! Get em real good and don't let him do that again to ya and when ya finish the dishes, we can sit down and watch that movie in peace." Floreen was talking to the air, of course. What else could one expect out of her Alzheimer's condition? She carried on a five minute conversation with nobody and of course it took this much time for Granny to even get seated in her seat.
Floreen circled around to face the front of the bus snapping out to the lady with the yarn as she passed her up, "Shutup. Who asked ya? I didn't ask ya to put my shoes on." She cackled all the way back to the driver's seat, sat down, turned the keys in the ignition and revved up the engine a few times before she peeled out.
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From: nastyuncle@aol.com (NastyUncle)
Date: 08 Jun 1999 16:34:39 EDT
Austin was the type of uncle that most family members kept their younger children from. Not because he was a bad man, it's just that ole Nasty Uncle Austin, well, was a nasty pervert in general. When he finally got to the point in life where he couldn't work or otherwise support himself, the family was quick to put him in the Old Duelers Home. At least
Austin had the company of his sister, GrannyDuel.
Austin usually kept himself occupied by being an official for various games about the home because he still mostly had his hearing and sight that hadn't failed on him yet. Usually he had to break up the fights between Flo and Granny when they played Canasta about who's points were who's. He was a wizard at Bingo, probably because by the time most of the other residents of the Old Duelers Home realized they had a bingo he had already claimed the
prize. He often thanked the powers that be for crazy old people diseases. Not because he could win games, but so he could steal their meds and have some fun on his own.
His favorite past time was shagging. Or rather trying to shag with anything that walked and remotely resembled a female person, regardless of age. A few nurses had even quit, transferred, or had restraining orders put on ole Nasty Uncle Austin for his behavior. The older lady residents of the Old Duelers Home enjoyed some of the attention, some of the ladies that is and only some of the attention.
Today was supposed to be another routine field trip to Bingo parlor to waste away the day like they were wasting their lives away waiting to die. He had been dozing and having funny dreams because he stole Ethel's meds this morning, she was suffering from some sort of neurological disorder, when the bus jerked him awake.
He looked up and noticed that the staff and nurses were missing and that crazy coot, Flo, was behind the wheel. And his sister Granny Duel was orchestrating some sort of devious plan. He turned around and looked out the back window and there was Big Charlie, the staff security guy who usually restrained certain folks who didn't want their meds administered via puncture of the buttocks, looking dumb founded at the daring escape of the old folks.
He resigned himself to staring out the window watching the blurring trails of his vision as Flo seemed to make the bus go light speed, except were those other vehicles coming at them on this side of the road? Which side of the road were they on anyway and where were they going?
Date: 08 Jun 1999 16:34:39 EDT
Austin was the type of uncle that most family members kept their younger children from. Not because he was a bad man, it's just that ole Nasty Uncle Austin, well, was a nasty pervert in general. When he finally got to the point in life where he couldn't work or otherwise support himself, the family was quick to put him in the Old Duelers Home. At least
Austin had the company of his sister, GrannyDuel.
Austin usually kept himself occupied by being an official for various games about the home because he still mostly had his hearing and sight that hadn't failed on him yet. Usually he had to break up the fights between Flo and Granny when they played Canasta about who's points were who's. He was a wizard at Bingo, probably because by the time most of the other residents of the Old Duelers Home realized they had a bingo he had already claimed the
prize. He often thanked the powers that be for crazy old people diseases. Not because he could win games, but so he could steal their meds and have some fun on his own.
His favorite past time was shagging. Or rather trying to shag with anything that walked and remotely resembled a female person, regardless of age. A few nurses had even quit, transferred, or had restraining orders put on ole Nasty Uncle Austin for his behavior. The older lady residents of the Old Duelers Home enjoyed some of the attention, some of the ladies that is and only some of the attention.
Today was supposed to be another routine field trip to Bingo parlor to waste away the day like they were wasting their lives away waiting to die. He had been dozing and having funny dreams because he stole Ethel's meds this morning, she was suffering from some sort of neurological disorder, when the bus jerked him awake.
He looked up and noticed that the staff and nurses were missing and that crazy coot, Flo, was behind the wheel. And his sister Granny Duel was orchestrating some sort of devious plan. He turned around and looked out the back window and there was Big Charlie, the staff security guy who usually restrained certain folks who didn't want their meds administered via puncture of the buttocks, looking dumb founded at the daring escape of the old folks.
He resigned himself to staring out the window watching the blurring trails of his vision as Flo seemed to make the bus go light speed, except were those other vehicles coming at them on this side of the road? Which side of the road were they on anyway and where were they going?