Only When I Lose Myself (Zen)

[DoS Archive]

From: zenblack@aol.com (Zen Black)
Date: 25 Jun 1999 05:06:26 EDT

Zen sat in the chair focusing. Concentrating. Trying to keep it inside. Trying to hold back the rage.
The events of the last two weeks had come to a head tonight. When he found out just what the red silk livery meant.
Ordnarily his reaction would have been one of panic or fear. Not this time. The only reaction was rage. Full-blown rage. And it was all he could do to keep it from exploding.
Even when he saw Anubis return he did his best to hold it in. And he succeeded, because even as the emotion threatened to overtake him, his mind, trained for years in the ways of detaching logic from emotion, knew that exploding would only hurt. So he held it inside.
At times he started to wonder if he was going mad. If perhaps all the strain had taken its toll on him. It was very possible, he thought. And he knew it so. So he had to hold on, to some grip of sanity.
At the same time, he had to store the rage that had released itself in him, and wait for the right moment to unleash it on the right man.