An Apology and A Request To All

[DoS Archive]

From: leducblanc@aol.com (LeDucBlanc)
Date: 20 Jun 2000 02:13:16 EDT

To the Community,

I write this letter to the community after reading yet another letter in yet another bitter and pointless thread that exists for no reason other than for two individuals who both have their good and bad points to accuse the other of being the worst individual in the history of the community and sport. Yes, I freely admit that I strongly dislike one of the two participants in the dispute and greatly like the other. Yes, I freely admit that I have
been involved in disputes myself before. I will also admit that each truly seems to believe that the other is everything they accuse each other of being.
Therefore I wish to begin this letter with a series of apologies. Some are specific and some are very general indeed. All are for statements that were unwise or ill considered, some are for statements I regret very much. My first apology is to Rix Favre and Sartan. I once made a statement to the effect that I believed their challenges to Evan Rynth and Zen Rising were made because the challengers were convinced to do so by the Overlord and alleged
that a conspiracy existed. It was irresponsible to allege that such a conspiracy existed and to accuse them of any such thing without evidence to support the allegation. My second apology is to the Lady Morgan le Fay du Cornwall. I once made a sincerely motivated statement to her, upon the boards, about facets of her behavior that it was terribly inappropriate to comment on publicly. At the time we were, though not close friends, friendly
acquaintances. As someone with friendly intentions, any such statement should have been made privately before it was ever made publicly. I also apologize for certain remarks about her conduct that were made during the various unpleasant disagreements between us that followed.
I also wish to apologize to Kalamere Ar'Din for an offense that was given unintentionally in an article I wrote for the Duely Noted during the great controversy surrounding Huma's challenge to Dalamar and duel with Jeff. I referred to a prevailing attitude that I still believe was unjust in the most technical sense as 'dishonourable', and thus insulted the motives of those who shared that attitude. It was wrong of me to generalize so completely and
certainly the statement of my own opinion should have been better worded at the least. I considered us friends at the time, still have only friendly feelings for him now, and am willing to rectify the wrong in whatever manner he feels necessary.
I wish to continue this note with a question to the community. When you disagree with words spoken on the cork, what are you thinking and feeling when you respond to them? Do you see disagreement as an offense? Do you take a debate over an issue personally? Do you sometimes make remarks that you strongly regret after making them? Do you, and this is a very difficult question to answer I know, have a habit of making remarks that you should
regret and feel them perfectly justified? Have you ever made a post for no other reason than to insult or belittle another person? Do you ever choose sides in a debate or disagreement out of dislike for an individual?
I would request that we all think about these questions seriously. Very few of us can answer them all negatively. Very probably, none of us can do so. Of late the statements made by many on this cork have been to less and less purpose. More and more of them have been petty, unnecessary, deliberately hurtful, and either sincerely thoughtless or directly vicious. I understand that individuals do not always get along. I would suggest that such dislikes
should be between the people who dislike one another. There is no need for any of us to involve the community as a whole in our private disputes. Whether we prefer to resolve our disputes, leave them unresolved, to wage a war of words, or to settle them by steel our private disputes are and should remain private.
Why make any personal, private dispute an attempt to attract attention, damage another person's reputation publicly, drag the community into a bitter battle of popularity, or any other such thing? Aren't we all adults? If the answer to that question is yes, then we should all start acting like it.







Duc Percival Marchand de Clermont

Warlord of the Duel of Swords

The White Duke

[DoS Archive]

From: zenithi@aol.com (Zenith I)
Date: 20 Jun 2000 02:48:29 EDT

"Why make any personal, private dispute an attempt to attract attention, damage another person's reputation publicly, drag the community into a bitter battle of popularity, or any other such thing?"

Validation.

People are not content to keep private disputes private. They want to sully the other party's reputation, and in doing so modify other people's opinions to match theirs-- validating it.

It's the same thing in a manner of popularity. When more people take one side or decide they like one of the parties better, that person feels "right" and justified-- validated. Meanwhile, the other party, obviously not feeling "wrong", tries to damage the first party's reputation in order to swing the opinion pendulum the other way.

Everyone's done it. I've done it before, although on a less obvious level (and about matters that weren't so trivial). But the fact remains, private disputes should remain private.

I seriously doubt there is a "right" or "wrong" in many of the cases brought forth on this board or otherwise in public, and until the parties realize that, they could go on forever arguing it.

And some of them seem content to do so.